Rangers Dangers
The Conservative's Game
I've got game. I'm a conservative. I date liberal chicks. Here is how I play.
Liberal chicks love me for not smoking and then hate me for being conservative, for passing judgement, for believing in Right and Wrong, for not approving of loose, liberal women.
When I meet a chick, I don't talk about politics. I never talk about politics. I am not a faggot.
Usually the chick is to drunk to talk about politics anyway. And most chicks have never read the Declaration of Independence nor the Constitution, so what do they know about politics? And even if they have read them, it was probably for a class, so that doesn't really count.
Usually we go home that night together, or we go to her place, or we go to one of those all-night clubs where I can grind my dick on her ass, kiss her ear, and then totally make out, and go down her pants on the dance floor. I bust a move, and nine times out of ten, it's cool. Even if she has a boyfreind, its cool. I used to let the boyfriend thing throw me off my game, until I realized that many times when a chick has a boyfriend, it is better. If she has a boyfriend, there is already somebody buying her meals, there is already somebody there who she can bicth and moan at, there is already somebody there to have grudge sex with, to buy here her things, and play kissy-feely or whatever the fuck they're into.
Anyway, when a chick has a boyfriend, it usually means she's hanging out with me for more specific reasons. And I'm not one to let a fellow human down.
If she says no, you roll her over on her back, and gently try again. This time she'll say yes. If she has a boyfriend, she'll say more than yes.
So we fuck for a few dates, and eventually we get into a political debate, where I get to hear that parroted feminist claptrap like, "Men are pigs. Gay is moral. Women don't hold enough offices. It's not fair that women used to be labeled as sluts for wanting oragasms more than children. Thgings are better now."
Yeah--that's why you're dating a drummer with tattoos, and supporting him, and that's why we just fucked and its over now. See, I'm a conservative--I believe in God, I love my country, and I wish we could get married and raise a traditional family, but you've just fucked and sucked one too many guys to be taken seriously."
I don't really say all this. All I do is let on that I'm a conservative, and she goes back to her loser drummer boyfriend with all the attoos, as that's what the liberal media has programmed her to do. Lety's drink for the salt of the earth.
I'm a professor at Stanford. I will not tell you which department I'm in, as I do not want to be fired. I might not be a professor at Stanford, for that matter.
Anyway, the modern university is a pimp. The students are the biatches. The faculty are the dope dealers.
I would not be teaching if it weren't for the fact that the liberal establishment trained the young women to be loose, to give good head from an early age, and to take the pill so that they can fuck like its going out of style. There are so many liberated biatches, of all races, religions, and ethnicities, on this wonderful campus.
Every few months I start going out with a new college-age girl. I've tried grad-students, but by then many of them are on anti-depressants, as they have read Dave Eggers books, and taken them to heart.
I get chicks right before they become a total bitter feminist. I get them when they're still in that delicious early feminist stage, when they've watched a few episodes of Sex in The City, and they want to burn their bras, drive cross-country, and experience multiple orgasms for the first time. That's where I come in.
But after awhile, the young biatches start saying things like, "War is bad." "Clinton was a good president--character doesn't matter as long as they do their job." "There are too many men in science, and not enough women."
At this point I make a mental note to do them one more time doggie style.
If they think there are too many men in the sciences, then they should change that by fucking picking up a volt-meter, getting in the fucking lab, and doing some fucking science.
I ain't stopping them. They can fucking work fifteen hour days for a grad-student's stipend for ten years, being treated like shit by the professors and administrators. I ain't fucking stopping them. Hell, they could even unify the forces of nature, or invent a time machine.
In fact, a time machine would be cool, because then I could go back and do them doggie-style one more time.
Why Dave Eggers Sucks:
Dave Eggers is a brown-nosing, talentless, bullshit-artist, hipster-poseur. His site sucks, his books suck, and he's such a cowardly idiot that he truly believes words were invented to allow him to kiss the corporate publishers' collective asshole. His slapdash books make no fucking sense, and he's created a depressing, cynical world in which people have grown to enjoy killing themeselves.
The suicide rate has augmented, and most of this is Eggers' fault.
I must admit that I've never read more than a few words of his, but that was enough to figure out how much he sucked. And when his stupid books and slacker-hipster-saccarin-cynicism take up all the table space at Borders and Barns & Noble, there's nothing left for this generation to do but to kill ourselves.
If you like Dave Eggers, go fuck yourself. When your marriage fails, when your step-daughter comes home pregnant with a tattoo, you can go suck your boyfriend's cock, but don't say I didn't try to warn you about Dave Eggers.
Contemporary girls are sluts. They are raised by the liberal media to be sluts, for sluts drive the economy better than prisses. A priss generally wants to stay at home and raise the children, which doesn't show up in Greenspan's GDP. Greenspan and the liberal media want her out there as a single woman, fucking the board memebers, and screwing fellow employees, and consuming vast amounts of beauty productes en route to a battle she can never win.
I feel bad for the girls who aren't sluts, as so many other girls are, that if a girl won't sleep with you, you just go out and bang another. That same night, if you want. So straight-edge girls find it difficult to get and keep a boyfreind with so many easy sluts spreading all the time. I know some girls who have been spreading like peanut butter since fifth grade, when they commanded her to during sex-ed.
Anyway, the liberal media is intent on making of every single girl a slut. Another reason for this is that most liberals are victims of failed relationships. I use the word victim because that's what they want me to do, and they control the world. Never piss a liberal off. They tend to be short and stupid, and they carry a grudge. Any they are very jealous of successful relationships. They detest romance, they abhor virtue, they resent sober, pristine relationships in which a man is a man and a woman is a woman. They want all men to eat dick and all women to taste pussy. They want to destroy every last vestige of romance.
